Only the best that I can be

I don't know what that really means. Only the best what? The best teacher? The best mother?

I am intelligent enough that I really think that I could be whatever I wanted to do. I might need a lot of time, energy, money and instruction but I think that I have the natural intelligence to really do whatever I wanted. I just don't want to do anything.

I've felt this way for a long time. People say, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" but I never have an answer for this. Happy, content or just alive and living.

I just saw the new movie Clerks II. It is really really great and completely touches on this subject. Please go see this movie. I do not get anything for saying that and I really think that it's one of the very best movies that I have ever seen. I love it and can't wait to add it to my collection at home.

I wrote not long ago that I don't feel like I ever get to live for today. We are always looking for tomorrow and making plans for other things. I really want that to change now and have felt a shifting in my life the last few months. I just seemed to feel that although I had a lot to do, and realistically still do, that I am reaching a place in my life where I can sit back and relax. Yes, I will still have to do all of the mundane, basic life things, such as cleaning and I will still have to work because the bills are still coming in but things just feel like they are going to change.

I felt today like everything was alright. Things have really started to fall into place and everything will be OK. I'm still looking over my shoulder and waiting for something to go wrong but so far so good. I'm not trying to tempt fate. I still know that life is going to happen but I feel like I can handle it.

I think, when I grow up, I want to laugh and love and play games with my children. I want to enjoy having pizza with my friends and writing this blog. I want to talk on the phone and smile. I want to be happy. I want to watch my fish swim, play in the garden and smile.