I refuse to teach them to tell time.
If I teach them to tell time, they will be able to tell that it isn't really bedtime. They will know that they are usually not in their bed at 6:58pm. If they learn how to tell time they will figure out that their mother could not handle being around anyone a second longer and threw them into PJs and kissed them and hugged them and slammed the door and wished that there was a little lock on their doors so they couldn't escape.
#1 Son can already tell time. They are learning it in math and he received an E for excellent in math. (He also received a N for needs improvement for writing. No, he had to be good at math = telling time but the kid that tells stories non-stop since he can talk needs to improve his writing.) I've considered getting rid of all of the clocks but I am obsessed with having clocks everywhere I like to know what time it is. I will now have to figure out a overly complicated system in which I set every clock to a different time but I would know which time was the correct one and the kids would not, thus throwing them off and they would just believe me when I say that it's bedtime.
I'm sure that it will work. Ha ha ha (imagine crazy sleep deprived laughter.)
Oh, did I mention that I got my period today. Yes, I know it's too much information but now you know. If you would like more details, I will share those as well. Here's a freebie, I get pissed when I get ready to put on a maxi pad because mine have this saying written on it, "Have a nice period." WTF. How about something like, "Ha! You're not pregnant. Go have a Long Island Iced Tea some Advil for your cramps and give the kids Benedryl so they will sleep all night and crawl in your bed where no one will bother you as you have the shortest possible period on record." I would like that better. But they probably don't write that because even the Super size ones aren't big enough for that.
3 comments:
Is that the ones that have the tiny little wipe on them for sanatary purposes? That is so f**king annoying. Have a happy period???? Can you tell that product was made by a man??? I can see it----a bunch of fat middle aged white men getting together for a meeting and having this idea pitched to them by dorky youngish people who just graduated from school ,desperately trying to come up with THE idea. The fat middle aged white men think that this is a great idea. They decide to skip any marketing tests because it is so damn on the mark. Also they are trying to save money be cause the companys only female is out on maternity leave (again) and are tring to save some bucks to pay for the temps that they had to pull in for that very reason. Yes, I can see it now. People who have never had their period trying to tell you that "Hey this is great! Forget the fact that you are so bloated and miserable. Have a great period!!!!" Its like those damn tampon commercials with very skinny people jumping around in white skirts telling you that you too can have F-U-N during your period! Who wears white skirts?????? Does anyone wear white bottoms of any sort one they have their period, or at least have to do their own wash? What a bold face lie. Here's an idea....make a tampon that actually changes with your flow. No multiple types of tampon for your period. ONE KIND!!!! Or make a pad that fits most women and doesn't shift. Wings???? Do ya think that my crotch can fly???What the F**k an I going to do with wings? Or a pad that doesn't harbor stink, or break down sensitive skin. Or one that doesn't smell like flowers- you know for "odor controll". My crotch doesn't normally smell like flowers, if it did I would be calling my doctor right away. Not normal. How about a tampon for the penis? It goes down the pee hole and holds in all the discharge of testosterone so fat white men stop telling you to have a happy period. :)
Rock on!
I was LOL when I read that and shared some of it with Mr. Husband. He was laughing until the part about putting things in the pee hole. He had a look of half disgust/half pain. He just shook his head. Wrong!!! He said that people shouldn't put things in pee holes. I reminded him that I have in fact had things in my pee hole and it's not as bad as it would seem if you use a child size catheter (spelling?) but he seemed to think that I'm a freak for thinking that. Don't tell him that I hate those things and try to get them out as fast as possible but the reason has more to do with the tube taped to my leg itching than the tube up the pee hole. To each their own.
I love you guys.
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