Honestly

I've been eating everything in sight. I have also not been exercising. I weighed in at 166 this morning. I was something like 159-157 when I last went to the doctor's.

I gave myself permission to relax about food over the holidays. I still have to learn the difference between relaxing my diet and going insane. I fight the idea that I will need to be vigilant about what I eat for the rest of my life. In my mind this is still just a diet and when the weight is off, I can go back to eating. And things will change when I am in maintenance. I will be able to eat more and add a larger variety back into what I eat but I can never go back to how I ate before.

When I eat whatever I want and don't have a second thought about it, I weigh 198. This was my prepregnancy weight for #1 Son and my prepregnancy weight three years later with the twins. This is also the weight that I was at when I started the program with my doctor. 198.

I did not feel healthy at that weight. I was tired, sick and sore all of the time. I do not feel that way now although these new additions are putting me back into the sore column.

I want to be healthy for myself and for my kids. I am seeing how difficult it will be to get back on track this week. I am on vacation until the 8th. I get to be a stay at home mom until then.

I was good and got up and started my exercise program this morning. The kids were still asleep and I was mentally ready to go but Little Girl and #1 Son both woke up when I was about 7 minutes into the program. I had to spend the next 23 minutes biting my tongue. I wanted to yell and scream at them, "This is my time! Go away. Get out of the way." I was better behaved then that but they were literally in the way and when you have five pound weights swinging in the air, things can get dangerous.

We made it through with only one knee to cast incident and I was hurt much more than the cast was. I made it through with out any yelling and now it's done for the day. But I do remember now why I usually get up at 5:00am to do this.

I know that they were only getting in the way because they wanted to work out with me. They wanted to do what I was doing and they wanted to support me. They are great little cheerleaders. It's just remembering their motives when I just want to get the work done and not have little hands, feet or bodies in the way.