Feelings

I'm feeling angry less often. I'm also taking my meds more often. I know that my depression often manifests itself as anger but have been very bad about taking any meds since I stopped the diet and stopped having to take different meds several times a day. I'm getting into a routine.

I'm feeling impatient right now. I don't want to rush my way through life but there are some things that I want to just know now and do not have the patience to wait. I think that I run out of patience during the day when I'm taking care of so many children. I'm getting really tired of taking care of other people's children when I want to be taking care of my own.

I'm not really trying to lose weight right now. I'm not giving up. I'm just not going to stress about it right now. I'm doing a really good job of maintaining, which is a big first for me. I was having such a hard time losing that I'm going to relax about it a little. I am trying to remind myself that I at over 30 pounds light than I used to be. That is equal to one of the twins. It's a lot of weight lost and I should be happy with that. I'll search for motivation to get back to lose but celebrate my maintance and the work that goes into it.

I am feeling very tired right now. I have been for some time. I'm sleeping a lot. A lot, lot. I'm also starting to not be able to sleep well after 4 am. I'm getting up earlier and it's not helping. I'm trying not to go to bed too early and feed into it but it's hard. I can't wait to have a nap and hope that it would set me back into my routine. It's 8:14 now and I'm fighting with myself about the idea of crawling into bed. I'll be in there soon.

I'm frustrated at work. I currently have 13 students. Almost half of them are realitly new to my classroom. The dynamic of the room has drastically changed and it is a struggle to keep them in control. A very big struggle indeed. I am much less patient and finding it harder and harder to repeat the same basic rules day in and out.

I'm feeling really sad about money. I may not get to be at the birth of my newest nephew. This is something that I've been ssssssoooooooooooooo looking forward too since almost the beginning of my sisters pregnancy. There is no way that we can afford to fly me and the kids and there might not even be enough to fly just me. I'm trying to come up with a way but want to hit my head against a wall.

Well that enough for tonight. Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. I haven't really been on the computer much. I've been asleep. I'm hoping to work my wait out of this cloud. I'm taking my med everyday and I've upped my vitamin intake.