Reflections

I've been more reflective the last few days. Not sure why but I have a feeling it has to do with the fact that I'm getting up at 5 every morning. I'm waking up early to get some exercise in before I get ready for work.

Getting up that early allows me more time to think in the morning when my body is the most awake. Exercising clears my mind of basic things and allows me to plan. I plan for my day but also from the weeks, months and years ahead.

This does mean that I must go to bed early in order to get a sufficient amount of sleep. That's been the most difficult part about this all. Getting to bed on time is hard work. It doesn't help that Mr. Husband and I have been talking a lot and the time that we get to do that is also the time that I'm supposed to be crawling between the sheets.

In the morning I get up, go to the bathroom and get dressed in workout clothing. I start my DVD and do the motions while me brain starts to work. I watch the clock for the first 10 minutes and try to remind myself that this is so worth it and that I would much rather be doing this than sleeping in my nice bed with the comfy flannel sheets. (It may still be in the 90's during the day but I ALWAYS use flannel sheets.)

The next 10 minutes are spent on wherever my mind takes me. It usually drifts to work and the many tasks that I must complete before the children arrive for their day. Cleaning my classroom, making copies, checking schedules and planning for their success. I then look around and think about this place that we live and how I want to change it to make it more like a home. The DVD's and games that do not fight in the cabinet and the ideas of how to store them swirl in my mind. Always teasing me but never bringing an answer. The laundry always just a few loads ahead of me.

The next five minutes are spent telling myself that I have to breath because although I'm doing the same workout that I've been doing for two weeks, I'm still out of breath at this point. I pant and push and think of Lamaze and remember how Mr. Husband and I dropped out of Lamaze because it really wasn't working for us. I could breath and he could practice not touching me without other couples being around. I pretend that the kicks and punches that are part of my routine are really blows that will land on the chipper ladies head. No one should talk that much while they are working out. It's just wrong and the reason why the same volume that is usually set at 98 out of 100 is currently set at 1.

The last five minutes are set with me watching the clock again. Trying to make the time go just a little faster so I can get in the shower, in the car and in the traffic mess. So I can get to the classroom, get to the kids and get through the day. So I can get back in the traffic, this point a nightmare and return home to my children.

All through the day I am thinking. Reflecting on the things around me. Pondering the mysteries of the world. Sometimes just remembering the dream from last night where I bought a half dozen donuts and ate them all. Thoughts as real as the dream that left me surprised that there was not powered sugar on my pillow.