One week and counting

Next Sunday we will be starting the first leg of our 18 hour car trip. Day 1 involves ~10 hours of driving time. This means that we will have Mr. Husband, the three kids and me in a car for that long. I'm not looking forward to the part where we are in the car.

I've been trying to talk to Mr. Husband about the trip for some time. I'd really like to leave early in the morning, like 3am. I'm a morning person and could take the first several hours driving. Mr. Husband could get some more sleep and hopefully the kids would sleep as well. I figure the longer they sleep in the car, the more pleasant the trip will be.

When I discussed this with Mr. Husband today I was informed that we had already spoken about this. (Very much to my surprise.) He told me that I had told him that we would be leaving around 8-10 am. This is very much not what I was thinking. We would also be spending two nights at this first destination and then traveling on what would be the third morning to our final destination. Again I was very surprised.

Our final destination is my mother's house. We will be spending Christmas with her and my sister and the rest of our family. I'm very excited about this because we haven't been able to do that for a while. My mother has taken the week before Christmas off from work so it's perfect that we will be there during that time. We will be leaving a day or two after Christmas and that would be better for spending an extra day at my aunt's house, which is the first destination.

I'm kinda shocked that we "talked" about this before. Especially because Mr. Husband was so frustrated that I was changing my plans. I didn't want to pick a fight but I really don't remember us talking about this.

We are both guilty of coming up with ideas and just assuming that the other knows, understands and agrees. This often happens without any communication with the other person at all. He does it to me and unfortunately, I do it to him as well.

I really feel like this is one of those situations. I think that I might have mentioned something close to his or I should say "my" plan when I first mentioned that I wanted to do this. You know like 8 weeks ago. I've thought about this a lot since than and very much know how I want to do it. I just didn't let him know what I was thinking. It's very frustrating. Now I have to figure out a way to compromise the whole thing so that it will work for both of us without us getting angry.

All that on top of having to spend 18+ hours in the car with three kids ages 5 and under!

We went to the museum today with that other couple. I had fun getting to talk to her outside of work and Mr. Husband said that he had a lot of fun but I don't know if they would know that. Mr. Husband is very shy when he getting to know someone. He will almost not talk at all. He spent most of the time with Little Girl. More like he spent most of the time following Little Girl where ever she wanted to go. He didn't really talk to either of them very much.

My friends husband is very talkative but I don't know if he had a chance to talk to Mr. Husband at all. It's too bad because they would probably have a lot in common.

My friend and her husband are having a difficult time right now. They are foster parents and they have a foster son right now. He is almost four months old and has been with them since he came home from the hospital. This was a foster to adopt situation. The intention was always to adopt. A few weeks ago they found out that they might lose their son. It seems that their son has a biological sister that is placed with a different family. The system wants to keep the siblings together so that means that they want to take my friends son away from her.

My friend and her husband need to decide what they want to do. They could not fight and let him go or they could fight for him. If they fight and win it would mean that they either get to keep him and have a strange situation where there is visitation rights between the siblings or they might end up with their son and his older sister. I believe that the girl is only a year older.

To make matters even more complicated, my friend is 21 week pregnant. They have been having some complications with the pregnancy as well. They could go from one child to three very young children in a matter of months. It's not an easy decision.

I'm trying not to give advice to her. I've always felt that it's easy to say what you would do but you never know until you are actually in that situation. But since this is my blog and not real life, I will share what I think I would do. (Why else have a blog? Right?)

I would so fight for that little boy. I wouldn't care that I was pregnant. I would fight for him until I couldn't fight anymore. I would take his sister and she would be my child. I would have a baby and suddenly have three small children. It would be difficult but not impossible. If I had to, I would have visitation with a family that I don't know and it would be strange. I would still do it because it would mean that I would have my son.

This is the reason that I can not be a foster mother. There is no in between with me. I can't have borrowed children. I couldn't just take care of someone else's children and then give them back. I would need to have them forever because they would then be my children. I really don't believe that I would feel differently for a foster or adopted child than I would my biological children. It's not genes that create loves, it's in your heart.

I can't imagine someone taking my children. I would fight to the death for them. I could not do what my friend might have to do. It would destroy me.

I don't envy them right now. To have to make such a drastic, life altering choice. No matter what they decide, their lives will change.

I hope something works out where they can keep their son and the other family can keep their daughter and the two families can work something out that the sibling can still know each other. I really hope that happens. I'm just not going to bet on it.