Thoughts on a Saturday when I should be with my family

Doing homework. That seems to be what I'm doing a lot of lately. I don't think that I've ever worked as hard for a school as I have here. We have only finished one full week of school and already I'm scared. Scared that these kids don't know enough, that they won't learn enough and scared that I'm not going to be able to handle the class.

This is the toughest class that I've ever had. The are loud, disrespectful and just plan rude. They are like the perfect class one minute, where they are all interested and paying attention and the next minute three kids are spinning on around on the floor break dancing. I don't want to be a trained monkey for them. I feel like that is what I am doing.

I had a kid throw a chair yesterday. It escalated past that point and I called the office. The vice principal was called. The kid was not suspended. He was made to apologies to me. I've sorry to these kids but that's not going to work with me. You can't throw a chair and then just say your sorry. Just don't throw chairs. I don't care how mad you are that I am making you do math.

I feel for the students that do not misbehave. The sit there and stare at me and seem to beg me to make the other children be good. They want to learn so much. They wait quietly for me to teach them something. I should not have to break the will of half the class just so I can instruct the other half.

I don't think that I will make it at this school. I have the "gifted" class and they act this way. Don't tell me that it's because they are bored because they haven't had a chance to be bored yet. If I had the behavior class, I would have quit.

I really like the staff at this school. They are very nice and friendly group. They laugh a lot and goof around. But I think that some of them are also the problem. They keep using the excuse that this is a Title I school. We are at almost 90% free or reduced lunch rate. That means that 90% of the students come from families are at an income level where the government decides that they need help buying lunch for kids. They are poor.

I don't care if you are poor. You don't have to be rude. What your parents make per year does not buy you the right to be rude to me. They do not have the right to come into my classroom and act the way that they do.

I am very tired already. Much more tired than I should be for this time of year. I worked 48 hours at school this week. I also brought work home four of those days. I will put in a minimum of five hours this weekend. I get paid for 37.8 hours a week.

I do not get to spend the time that I need to with my family. I don't get to contribute to my job as a mother or wife. The two jobs that do not pay cash but are my real investments for life. The two jobs that I truly love.

I want this to be a successful school year. I do not want to HAVE to leave this school because I couldn't make it. I want to leave a real mark on this class. But I'm afraid that I might already be to tired for that.

I'll go back to planning now. Back to trying to make sure I teach everything that the state and federal government tells me that they will test on. But I don't know that I will get to teach them anything extra. There's just not time for that.