You are five today.

Dear Number 1 son,

I remember the day that you were born. It was five years ago today.

I had been in the hospital for almost two days and you just wouldn't be born. We tried and tried to get you out but nothing would work. We used that special jelly and I had been on pitocin for a day. You didn't care. You were happy and didn't want to leave.

I cried the night before. I had wanted to hold you so badly but you wouldn't come. I was alone in the hospital room and just cried.

The day that you were born, I woke up early and we really turned the pitocin up. My water finally broke around 11 in the morning. Your Daddy had just gone for a walk. The contractions really started to pick up then. Having a baby really hurts. It hurts a lot and I decided to get the medicine to make it stop hurting so much.

Daddy was there when I got the shot and he was giving me a hug. I felt better right away and you see that it was so beautiful day. The sun was shining. There was a window behind Daddy and I could see a beautiful tree with a clear blue sky in the background.

It was a friday. Friday the 13th is supposed to be bad luck but it has always brought me good luck. Your great-grandfather Achenbach was born on Friday the 13th and I hope that you have as many adventures as he had.

It was time for me to push and things started going all wrong. You didn't want to come out anymore. You changed your mind and decided to stay a little longer. Your heartrate kept going down and we were getting scared for you. The doctors decided that I had to stop pushing and that we would do a c-section.

You were still not happy with this idea and your heartrate would only stay up if the doctor held your head in place. The operation room was busy and the had to wait a little longer for you to be born. So the doctor had to hold your head in place even longer. She did that for over half an hour. The doctor was on the hospital bed as they rolled me down the isle. I will always remember watching the lights on the ceiling go by.

It was finally time for you to be born. The medicine to make me not feel things wasn't working right so they turned it up so high that I had problems with it for hours after you were finally born. A little monitor would tell me that I hadn't been breathing and that my heartrate was too low. It would beep and I would remember to breath again. It was scarey. I couldn't move my body from the armpits down for hours and hours. I was glad that I could at least move my arms to hold you.

When you were finally out you wouldn't breath. I only got to see you for half of a second then they took you away. Your Daddy went with you. I was scared about what was happening but they told me that you were fine.

You were an hour old before I could hold you. You were so beautiful. You were like a little old man all scrunched up. I loved you from the very start.

It's five years later and you are all grown up in so many ways. You will be starting Kindergarten this month. I can't believe how big you are. You are a good brother and help your brother and sister. You have wonderful conversations and actually teach me so much.

I love you even when you are a little brat. Just don't grow up so fast.

Love,

Mommy