Sick day no matter what your excuse is

Part of my depression is the fact that I do not give myself time to take care of myself.

I remember when I first talked to a doctor about depression. He said that I was one of those tricky ones that still manages to hold her life together and have most people not know that anything is going on. The typical depressed person will lay in bed and not be able to hold down a regular job but not me. Even in depression I'm an overachiever.

I didn't think that this was necessarily true. Yes, I was holding things together and most people did not know what I was going through but I bet that there are lots of people out there just like me that hold it together and are empty inside.

I dedicated this year to me. To being a little more selfish and taking more time to do things for myself and I'm doing a horrible job of it.

I took today off of work. I'm trying to be selfish. #1 is at school and the twinnies are with my MIL today. I have several hours alone. I need this time.

I am almost never alone. A little time in my classroom when I'm working at the end of the day and the children have left. In the car on the way to and from work. In the bedroom just as I'm falling asleep or while in the bathroom when I'm getting ready in the morning. But all of those times are times spent in a rush. I am desperate to slow down.

That is my plan today. I am going to watch my tape of 24, take a nap, make dinner and clean. I know that half of those things do not sound relaxing to other people but I like when my apartment is cleaned. I like making a nice meal for my family. I doubt anyone would argue with watching TV and taking a nap.

I need to start taking more time in my regular day to do the things that I love. Things that will help me feel grounded and happy, at peace with my everyday.

I'm trying.